So I tried to Google it from my phone. Only my Fleshlight search results kept coming up.
Did you know you can watch a video on You Tube to learn how to clean your Fleshlight?
No matter how many times I clicked the back button and tried to clear my history, the data connection was so slow that it wouldn't go away. Finally I just told her I would let her know and walked away.
I'd rather be thought of as a stupid Canadian than try to explain why I was Googling Fleshlights.
Skittles and the rainbow tastes like shit...
So then the end of the day finally came and the punch clocks went down. As I was counting inventory Skittles approached me. In case you missed it, Skittles has some serious bad breath. Knowing this and not wanting another opportunity to "taste the rainbow" I tried to keep my distance.
Apparently three feet wasn't enough distance because I didn't just taste that fucking rainbow, the rainbow slammed right through my pores and was shining out of my ass.
Me: WHOA! You need to step back.
The poor guy shuffled back like I'd accused him of trying to grab my ass, holding up his hands in the classic "I mean no harm" gesture. Which really makes me wonder how often he gets this reaction from people? Because not only does the guy have some serious fucking halitosis, he's hard of hearing so he's always trying to step a little closer...
Me: I don't mean to be offensive, but your breath is something else!
Skittles: Sorry, sorry.
Me: I know, the punch clocks are down. Don't worry about it - I'll fix your punch on Monday.
Me: Have a good weekend!
I promptly forgot about the incident since I'm you know - old. Then I remembered around midnight and laughed so hard I almost pissed myself. I'm sort of shocked that I was so blunt, but then I remember the time I was little and asked my mom "why is that lady wearing an ugly hat" when the lady was sitting right beside me. So I guess it's more shocking that it took me so long to say something about it.
It's really no surprise I've raised Asshats. The surprise would be if they weren't. Now I wonder if the guy went and bought some Scope this weekend so I can start working on his BO issues.