Sunday, March 3, 2013
Who the hell walks around their house bare-assed naked at 3 in the afternoon?
You know how sometimes you see something so horrifying you never forget it? It becomes indelibly burned into your brain and you are forever after stuck with that image popping into your head at odd times?
Picture me one spring Sunday afternoon, driving home from the Grocery Store. Rattling along merrily in my car, radio blaring enjoying the beauty of the day. Then I see a little dog running across the road. The little dog makes it safely - whew!
My Brain: Who the hell lets a little dog like that run around loose! Anything could happen to it - look how tiny it is.
I keep driving, but my eyes are tracking the little dog's progress. As I drive by, I try not to look in the yard. The yard where the house is on the back of the property so all of the yard is front yard. The house where the man who looks like Borat sunbathes in his front yard.
I shit you not, he even has one of those metal reflector things. My eyes are drawn there in spite of my best efforts. Whew, at least it's too cold for Borat to be in his front yard. I really hate it when he's out there in his neon green Speedo. Blech!
My eyes continue to track the little dog as he heads for the front door.
My Brain: Oh I guess it must be Borat's dog.
I notice the front door is open. Then I see it.
He is standing in his doorway, off to the side a little but still in plain sight. It's Borat and the fucker is naked. Completely stark naked. I see him in profile. With his potbelly, his hairiness and his pecker hanging down. Oh My God!
Eww, my hand leaves the gear shift and claps over my eyes.
My Brain: Oh My God! Did I really just see that? Who walks around their house naked at three in the afternoon? Why wouldn't you grab a robe, a pair of shorts, some tighty whities, for god's sake man - something - before you let the dog out to tinkle?
The split second passes. I drive by, trying desperately to block the image from my mind. Trying even more desperately to not imagine what this man was doing at three in the afternoon bare assed naked.
Surely there was a mat in front of the door he could have draped over himself!
I still flinch when I drive by the house where the man who looks like Borat lives.
Huge Thank You's going out to the 6 who joined my first Weekend Funnies link-up and extended some blog love to their fellow link-upees. If you weren't able to drop by they were:
As Vinny C's It with What's Done In Darkness
The Dose of Reality with Never Let Anyone Steal Your Sparkle
Jeneral Insanity with There is yet another conspiracy at the asylum...
Bad Word Mama with Reading Ruined My Sex Life!
Maple Syrupland with Denim Deathmatch
Random Musings and Mutterings of Aud the Broad with What is this in your backpack?
Now that I know I can successfully add a link-up we will go live next Friday at midnight - or would that be Saturday?
Hopefully by then I will have a button for you to insert in your post that doesn't include a tomato ass with dangly bits. I'm sure not everyone wants to display that on their blog - even if it is a gorgeous tomato ass.