When you moved here we were all treated to a fine display of you cursing and yelling at your wife. Since it didn't occur again, I put it down to moving day stress and moved on.
During my first opportunity to talk to you, you proceeded to bitch that you couldn't find a job because all of the immigrants were taking the variety store jobs. I put it down to ignorance and moved on.
Over the years we've maintained a civility, and while I certainly wouldn't invite you over for dinner, live and let live has been working out pretty good for us. I even ignored those spindly pot plants you had growing on your step in plain sight. I may not know anything about the cultivation of marijuana, but I'm fairly certain if those had been tomato plants you would have been lucky to get a single BLT out of them.
I even forgave you for luring away our pet squirrel with Sun Chips when anybody knows squirrels are supposed to eat nuts. In fact I probably would have paid to watch you give him that flea bath you talked about.
When I see you walking your dog, I choose to see the proud dog owner in you and ignore your shirt that ponders the mysteries of the universe or as it so eloquently states I Shaved My Nuts For This? I even choose to ignore the massive amount of belly hanging out below the hem.
Now I understand our vehicles are not the quietest ones around. It's called poverty sir. You certainly can't think we choose to live in this neighborhood. I also understand my son's truck is loud. I get it. That's something that happens to old trucks.
You also may have noticed it's winter? You didn't miss that cold breeze flapping your robe around this morning did you? So the reason the truck is running for at most 10 minutes in the morning is because if it isn't warmed up first the defroster can't do it's job. The reason the truck is running at 6:30 is because my son is in fact going to work. Something I have not seen you do in the entire 5 years you have lived here.
When you came and knocked on the door this morning, your request that he not leave the truck running for so long in the morning was almost civil and would have been honored. However this wasn't quite enough for you. As you were leaving you chose to actually enter a vehicle that is not your own and turn it off. And then to really set the tone for Monday - you also yelled and threatened my son. As he was going to work, something he happens to do Monday through Friday.
However we are in luck. A while back Vinny C, from As Vinny C's It provided me with the perfect thing for you.
That's right - you sir need a tanning.
The Sarcasm Goddess
Deb at Just Keepin It Real Folks
Larks at Lark's Notes This
I promise no spanking for you (unless you're into that) if you go vote for me at Circle of Mom's Top 25 Funny Mom's
contest. Maybe get your friends and family to vote too - since I'm
nowhere near my goal of making it into the top 100. You can vote your
favorites every day until