Boyfriend: So your mom is having dinner tonight?
Boyfriend: Are you going to make those crackers?
Me: What crackers?
Boyfriend: Those crackers I told you about.
The crackers he told me about. The ones I've never seen, let alone tasted. The ones that take ingredients I don't have and require that you toss them every 10 minutes for an hour. Those crackers.
Me: Nope. I'll be lucky if I find time to shower before dinner. See you later.
I mean after all, I've got to buy ingredients to make my food porn and then figure out how to get it to look exactly like what I see in my mind. This is important business I've got planned for my Sunday afternoon.
For you people who resolved to hit the gym a little more? I bring you a preview of what you will see in the change room at old lady o'clock.
For some reason we aren't allowed to pack these ones either - in this case I can see why.
Also? If you tell a group of high-spirited Jamaican ladies that you need that tomato so you can make it assless chaps out of Romain leaves they will start gifting you with the oddball tomatoes.
Look at the one they gifted me with yesterday.
I swear I blushed. Could you imagine if I worked in cucumbers?
It did not quite turn out as hoped. Fresh romaine is not flexible like the romaine that is usually in my fridge. Also I had planned to build a frame out of wire coat hangers. Do you still have any of those? I don't.
I asked #1 Asshat what it reminded him of. He told me it was no David - but then I pointed out the dangly bit.
PS Those crackers are Firecrackers, I have provided the link so you don't have to Google it and get the recipes for how to make marijuana firecrackers which I'm sure are something entirely different. I'm also sure I can't find those ingredients at the grocery store.