One of my more memorable experiences this past year was buying my first vibrator - in person - at an actual sex store.
There I am in the sex store trying to look around and make sure nobody I know is in there too. Why that was such a big deal makes no sense to me. Say you see your neighbor or one of your kid's grade school teachers - wouldn't the embarrassment be mutual? I'm pretty sure most people would pretend they didn't see you and hope you didn't see them.
Then I looked around again and saw all the stuff.
Holy mother trucker there is a crap load
of stuff in a sex store. If it wasn't so damn embarrassing to be there,
I could have wandered around for hours. It would be like trying to
figure out all the different kinds of gadgets at the hardware store, but instead I would be trying to figure out all the different kinds of fetishes at the sex store.
I wandered around trying to find what I was looking for. I knew exactly which one I wanted because I checked them out on-line.
Of course I researched on-line first! Doesn't everybody research their appliance purchases?
I was kind of slinking around the store but couldn't find it. The perky young clerk took pity on me and asked me if I needed any help. The normal me would be all No, I'm just browsing but for real, is it any more embarrassing to be browsing in a sex store than it is to be there for something specific?
So I asked her if they had any of the We Vibes left. Preferably the ones that were on a clearance sale, because bargains are awesome. The clearance sale ones were gone (of course) so I had to take the newer, full priced model.
Perky leaves me in the care of another clerk, who had to have been the youngest looking boy ever. I mean I know getting older has skewed my ability to judge age, but there is no effing way that boy could even legally buy booze.
Yet there he is. Waiting on me. In a sex shop. And here my MILF went and passed it's "best before" date about a decade ago. I felt bad for the poor boy. Seriously, the only job that could possibly put bigger damper on a guy's sex drive would be pursuing a career in gynecology.
Baby boy clerk asks me if I need any toy shampoo. WTF? Toy shampoo? I was just gonna use some dish soap and call it good enough. So no, I don't want any toy shampoo, especially when I had to buy the newer full priced model.
Baby boy clerk rang up my purchase and gave me the total.
Now I'm a debit card girl. Where most women would whip out their Visa and holler CHARGE!, I politely say debit please. I've noticed over the years that a five dollar purchase will take a lot longer to process than say, buying a fridge and stove with your debit card - which I've done by the way.
So the baby boy puts the transaction through and it went through lickety split. I made a comment about the big ones going faster. He blushed and started babbling about the warranty.
Then he looked at me and said Oh, you meant the debit transaction!